Why do many people languish in life?

As a starting point in this blog, I think it's important to give a little background on why some people languish in life. Languishing is on the negative end of the spectrum of subjective well-being. I say subjective well-being, not simply happiness, since well-being is much broader than the simple positive emotion that people call happiness. Well-being includes things like our emotions, our engagement with life, our connection with others, our evaluation of ourselves and our lives, and our sense of purpose and meaning. On the positive end of the spectrum is thriving. Unfortunately, most people don't thrive. Many people are 'OK', some 'get by', and far too many languish under the day to day adversities of life. Why?

Recent research is giving us part of the answer. It is showing that most people are very poor at predicting what will increase their sense of well-being. Western culture serves as a very poor guide. It suggests that greater well-being is to be found in greater wealth and more impressive achievements. It enculturates us to believe that possession, entertainment, luxury, and social status are the keys to well-being. It fosters the idea that we will be lastingly happier by getting what we want, by getting things like:

• A relationship
• A more attentive spouse
• Looking younger
• Losing weight
• More money
• More time
• Cure from a chronic illness or disability
• A better house
• An award or recognition

Would we not be happier to get the things we want? Yes - but only for a short time, and not nearly to the extent that we expect. The reason for this is that we humans, by nature, adapt very quickly to our circumstances. We are wired to notice novelty, but adapt to things that do not change. So when we get something we want, we initially feel overjoyed. Yet after a few months, weeks, days or even hours, we adapt to it. Our feelings of well-being return to their base level. The converse is also true, that when bad things happen to us we often do not feel as bad as we had expected to, because in a short time we adapt. In fact, research is now showing that our circumstances influence how we feel by only about 10%. People struggle to improve their sense of well-being because they pour their energy into endeavors that have only a small influence on it. The flip side is that at the same time, they fail to devote their energy into more effective pursuits.

As a society, we have lost much of the wisdom shared by those centuries ago. The consequences are stunning: despite a quality of circumstances far better than most of the world has even known before, we live in an age of depression. The rate of increase of depression among children is an astounding 23% p.a., and the average age at which depression strikes is now only 14 years old! Not university students, nor high-schoolers, but pre-schoolers are the fastest-growing market for antidepressants. In most developed countries, 15% of the population of most developed countries suffers severe depression at some stage in their life. Depression is about to become the 2nd most common health problem in the world. It is nothing short of a disaster, and not only on a personal level. People's friends and family are affected also. Depression also comes at a cost of billions and billions of dollars to the economy. We live amid the great deception, in a society that presents a facade of happiness when many people are languishing in life.

So what, then, does improve our sense of well-being? It is my purpose with this blog to share with you the newfound and rediscovered wisdom that answers that question.