Regaining hope: the starting point on the path to feeling happier

During depression, most people feel like they are passive victims of life, powerless to change their circumstances or more importantly, stem their tide of emotions. They feel helpless. They lose hope. According to some researches, that feeling of helplessness - and it is just a feeling - is what lies at the heart of depression.

From my study of positive psychology, is seems that regaining a sense of hope is also the starting point for anyone who wants to learn to thrive in life, rather than languish. Hope is what you get from combining a goal with motivation and some realistic pathways to get there. People who are depressed tend to feel hopeless because they believe they have no available paths to become happier. So, they also have no motivation, since they believe that trying is futile. In time, they give up on the goal of being happier (by 'happier', I mean having a greater love of life), since why have a goal without any motivation or pathways to achieve it?

So how do we regain a sense of hope? No amount of wishful thinking or 'positive affirmations' will do the trick. It all hinges on what we know. Let me explain...

Imagine you a suddenly transported into the wilderness. You're alone, and there's no one else near for hundreds of miles. There are all sorts of dangerous animals. You can't see much food. You have no means of help, and there's no one for hundreds of miles. On what grounds could you have hope to survive such an ordeal? You could reasonably have hope if you knew how to survive in that kind of wilderness. You would know how to get food. Know how to make shelter. Know what poisonous plants to not eat and what dangerous animals to avoid. Knowledge would give you hope. If you didn't have the necessary knowledge and skills though, you might well feel hopeless and helpless.

Take another example, one a bit closer to home. Imagine you plan to grow a vegetable garden. Would you hope it to flourish if you stayed ignorant of how to grow vegetables? You'd probably learn about how to grow vegetables, and that knowledge would be the basis upon which you'd hope your garden to thrive.

The situation is not much different when it comes to our emotions. Emotions are like vegetables. You can cultivate positive ones, or let weeds grow. Just like in gardening, there is knowledge about how to effectively manage our own thoughts and emotions. People with depression tend to not have much of that knowledge. But what if they learned that knowledge? What if they understood their feelings, and understood the ways in which they could actually change them? What if they knew that it really is within their power to feel better, even thrive, and understood the steps to get there? I think that knowledge would give people hope.

If we have that knowledge-based hope, then we can see the realistic pathways to become happier. We feel more motivated, since we don't feel powerless and helpless anymore. And the goal of a brighter future is more attainable. Hope, I believe, is the first stepping stone, but that hope needs to be based on realistic knowledge of how people can thrive in life.

So, over the next few posts, I'm going to explain some of the things that really do work. The things that people who genuinely thrive in life know, usually without even realizing it. These are skills, attitudes and behaviors that hundreds of scientific studies have now shown to be effective in increasing our sense of well-being. I hope that this knowledge help you in life, just as it has helped me.